According to Divorce Magazine (2008), the average age of a first divorce is approximately 30 years old, while the average age of a second divorce is approximately 39. Moreover, approximately 10% of Americans are divorced. Getting married is both exciting and terrifying. If you have never been married, it is impossible to know what to expect. Although many new marriages transition into lifelong unions, something can happen in the marriage that rocks it to its core. A marriage can experience a rocky patch, if your spouse feels that you aren’t paying attention to him or her, and/or if parenting and work responsibilities take center stage in your life, however, in most cases, you can reconnect with your spouse.
Sometimes this disruption is temporary, and sometimes it is permanent, but in many cases, it is worth it to give the marriage another chance. Once your spouse receives what he or she needs (i.e. emotionally, physically, sexually, and/or spiritually) from you, he or she is more likely to hang in for the long haul. In other words, your spouse is more likely to give you and your marriage another chance when things turn sour. With love, commitment, respect, change, and sacrifice, you can save your marriage. Show your spouse how much you love and value him or her, and your loved one will give your marriage a second chance.
Listed below are ways that you can get your spouse to give your marriage another chance:
If you want to get your spouse to give your marriage another chance, you will need to change. You will not have to change everything about yourself, but you will need to change those aspects of yourself that are unhealthy, and/or negative. In other words, you will need to change the behaviors that are negatively affecting your marriage. For example, if you have a habit of walking away when your spouse is sharing his or her concerns with you, then that is a behavior that you need to change. Once you show your spouse that you are willing to change and improve yourself, he or she will be more open to giving your marriage another chance.
Another way to get your spouse to give your marriage another chance is to actively listen to him or her. Many marriages fail because one partner does not feel that the other one is listening to him or her. Your spouse needs to feel that you value his or her opinion and beliefs. He or she also needs to feel that he or she can talk to you about anything and you will listen. Listen to your spouse even when he or she says something that is difficult to hear like “I need space.” Demonstrate that you are listening to your spouse by looking him or her in the eyes, while he or she is talking, and paraphrasing what he or she has said. These simple steps will make your spouse feel loved and respected, which will go a long way in convincing him or her to give your marriage another chance.
Yes, you will need to commit yourself to your marriage, if you want your spouse to give your marriage another chance. Not only will you need to commit yourself to your marriage, you will also need to commit yourself to your spouse. For instance, avoid becoming too emotionally or sexually attached to someone other than your spouse. All of your attention should be on your spouse, and if it is not then it may be time to seek marital counseling. When you married your spouse, you vowed to commit yourself to him or her for life, and in sickness and in health. Showing your spouse how committed you are to the marriage will encourage him or her to think twice about ending your marriage.
One of the best ways to convince your spouse to give your marriage another chance is to pay attention to him or her. All people need love and attention, and this is especially true in marriages. Your spouse needs to know that you desire him or her. In addition, he or she needs to feel attractive, wanted, loved, and needed. If you are not showing your spouse how much he or she means to you, it can cause your loved one to turn to someone else for that attention. Make time for your spouse.
For instance, wake up earlier than normal to have breakfast with your spouse, and/or spend a few extra minutes before bed talking with your spouse about his or her day. Moreover, compliment your spouse (i.e. hair, outfit, accomplishments, talents, skills, behaviors, etc.). Your spouse needs to feel appreciated, and he or she also needs to feel like you want to be there with him or her. If your spouse feels that you only have eyes for him or her, he or she will be more likely to give your marriage a second chance.
Romance Your Spouse
Who doesn’t like a little romance? Not many. Romance your spouse, if you want him or her to give your marriage another chance. In other words, wine and dine him or her. Transport yourself and your spouse to the time when you first met and fell in love. For example, leave your spouse sweet notes on his or her car, have flowers delivered to his or her work, rent movies and order pizza, fix your spouse’s lunch, go to dinner and/or a movie on a Friday or Saturday night, hold hands and give each other sweet kisses, dress up, and/or ask your spouse to lunch. Romancing your spouse will help him or her remember why he or she fell in love with you in the first place.
Surprise Your Spouse
Every spouse likes to be surprised from time to time. So, surprise your loved one. Let him or her know how much you want to stay married, by giving him or her special tokens of love (i.e. cards, candy, small gifts, etc.). Make your spouse’s favorite breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner, call him or her out-of-the-blue just to say “I love and miss you,” and/or leave him or her notes in various places around your home. In other words, do something totally unexpected to surprise and “wow” your spouse. Keeping your spouse on his or her toes will revitalize the spark in your marriage, and encourage him or her to give your marriage another chance.
Tell Your Spouse How Much You Love Him or Her
Lastly, and most importantly, tell your spouse how much you love him or her every day. Trust me; your spouse will never tire of hiring those three precious words. Drop those powerful words on your spouse in the mornings when you wake up, during the day, and even at night before bed. Make sure that your spouse understands how much he or she means to you, and remind him or her that you are willing to fight for that love.
Dr. R. Y. Langham
Divorce Magazine. (2008). U.S. divorce statistics. Retrieved from http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/us-divorce-statistics
Winch, G. (2011). Giving relationships a second chance. Psychology Today. Retrieved from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201106/giving-relationships-second-chance