How to Address Anger Issues in Your Romantic Relationship

anger-marriage-manageAre you angry at your partner or spouse? Does your spouse want to make you punch holes in the wall or slash his or her tires? Are you furious about something your loved one has said or done, but just do not know how to approach him or her? If the answer is “yes” to any of the above questions, then you are at the right place! Truth-be-told, there are plenty of articles on how to deal with an angry and/or aggressive partner/spouse, but not many that teach you how to address your own anger towards a romantic mate.

Keeping your emotions inside can cause them to bubble over; therefore it is imperative that you express your anger and frustration in a healthy and productive way. Moreover, if you allow your anger issues towards your partner/spouse to fester, you may have a hard time controlling your anger. It is best to address anger issues in a romantic relationship early – as soon as they arise. It is important to note that passive-aggression and emotional stress can ultimately scar, damage and/or destroy your romantic relationship.

Listed below are ways that you can address issues in your romantic relationship:

• Recognize

An effective way to address anger issues in your romantic relationship is to recognize that you are angry. Yes – you are angry. Say it aloud, at the top of your voice, several times. If you are thinking of ways to torment your partner/spouse – you are angry. Admitting is half the battle and it is an excellent first step in healing the rift in your relationship. Once you are aware of your anger, you are able to react to the situation in a healthier and more positive way.

• Empathize

Yes, I know you are angry, BUT before you criticize, yell and scream at your spouse/partner, try to put yourself in his or her place. It is one of the best ways to address the anger issues in your romantic relationship – Trust me. Once you finally decide it is time to address the issues with your partner/spouse stay calm and explain how YOU feel. In other words, do not place words in your partner’s mouth. He or she can talk for himself or herself.

Allow your partner/spouse to express how he or she feels and how the anger has affected the relationship. Do not judge your partner/spouse – just listen. If you cannot agree on the issues – agree to disagree. But, before you make any life-altering decisions or say something you will regret later, empathize with your partner, he or she may not even know you are angry.

• Be Honest

If you want to address anger issues within you romantic relationship, you will need to be honest with yourself and your partner/spouse. This is not the time to place blame. Rather, this is a time to express how you feel and to allow your partner/spouse to express how he or she feels. It is also a time to listen and learn from each other. Do not delude yourself. Your anger issues are affecting your relationship. In fact, your anger issues are probably damaging your relationship as you sit here reading this article. Do not be so proud that you allow a good relationship to slip through your hands.

Do not become the “victim” because you are the “aggressor.” You are the one who harbors the anger. You are the one who is being passive-aggressive. You are the one who secretly thinks of ways to make your partner’s life miserable. Yes – that is YOU. Regardless of the issues, these thoughts and behaviors are counterproductive and unhealthy. Your anger is causing a mess in your romantic relationship, now it is up to you to clean it up. If you don’t do something now to address your anger and remedy the situation, you risk developing anger-management issues that require counseling. Furthermore, you risk losing the person you love most.

• Change

You can address the anger you feel towards your partner/spouse by changing your attitude and behaviors. It is never too late to improve your relationship. Even if your anger has damaged your relationship, there is always a way to repair it, if you both want too. It is normal to get angry at the people you love, but if the anger is taking over your life and affecting your relationship, it is time to change your attitude, behaviors and perceptions. Most of all, it is time to change how you deal with stressful and challenging relationship situations. You can’t change someone else, but you can change yourself.

• Seek Support

If the mere thought of your partner/spouse makes your blood boil, it is time to seek support from loved ones, friends and even counselors. You don’t have to deal with your emotional by yourself – there are people who can help you work through your feelings and resolve your anger issues. In fact, sometimes talking to friends and loved ones can actually make you feel better. A loving support system can offer valuable advice and stop you from doing something to your spouse that could land you in jail! If you are seething with anger and rage – tell someone you love and trust; they can help you deal with your emotions.

• Forgive

Lastly, forgive. Yes, I said it – forgive. One of the most challenging ways to address anger issues in your romantic relationship is to forgive the person who enraged you. Truth-be-told, it is a hard thing to do, but is imperative if you truly want to address your anger issues. It is important to remember that no one is perfect. I’m sure there are things that you do that upset, anger and/or annoy your partner/spouse, yet he or she still loves you – unconditionally. Can’t you return the favor? Forgiving your loved one will make you both feel “freer” and more supported.

Staff Writer:
Dr. R. Y. Langham

Belkin, M. (2013). I promise you my anger. Psychology Today. Retrieved from
Lickerman, A. (2013). Dealing with anger. Psychology Today. Retrieved from